Donna's Gerneral Commendations

Have you heard that Obama signed the stimulus package at the same desk that Clinton had his package stimulated? Well I did, and I thought that was funnier than heck! For those that don’t think that was funny, more than likely don’t have a sense of humor, or are just too uptight trying to be someone else by acting like they are prim and proper. Oh well, my heart goes out to you if you seriously cannot take a joke. Here’s goes to change the subject. The other day I was reading this magazine about this lady who was about to give birth to twins, supposedly a boy and a girl were to be delivered. Unfortunately, as she was giving the birth, and she slipped into a coma. Five weeks later she awoke and the Doctor came and said “Hi, you’re finally awake.” She stared at him startled and said, “What do you mean, I’m finally awake?” The doctor then replies, “Well you slipped into a coma when you were delivering your healthy baby boy and girl twin, five weeks ago, Mrs. Jones.” She echoed, “What do you mean? Are you telling me that my babies are five weeks old and have no names yet?” He said, well yes they are five weeks old but they do have names.” She says, “Who named them?” He said, “Well your brother Tom did.” Mrs. Jones, yelps out a screech, and says, “What my brother Tom named my babies?” “Are you serious?” “My brother Tom is an idiot!” The doctor and the nurses just glared and stared in puzzlement. Then Mrs. Jones begins to say, “Well what did he name my daughter, and the doctor says, “Denise”, she thinks for a moment or two, and comes back with the statement, “Wow, that is not so bad, in fact, I think I like that name, Denise.” “What did he named the boy, says Mrs. Jones. The doctor replies, “Denephew”. So this guy walks into a bar and has a couple of Budweiser’s, after awhile he gets a little bored, so he say to the bartender, “Hey I’ll bet you $100 I can chew on my left eye.” The bartender looks at him and says, “You’re on!” Analyzing a little to himself and precedes to wait for the guy’s justification. Finally the guy takes his left eye out and puts it in his mouth and uses his teeth to chew on it and then puts it back into his eye socket. The bartender dumbfounded just glares at the guy in awe. He then pays the customer his $100 and continues on with serving other clients. An hour goes by and the customer then says “Hey bartender, I’ll tell you what, I’ll give you a chance to win back your $100.” The bartender then says, “Yeah how are you going to do that? The customer says, “Well double or nothing I can chew on my right eye.” The bartender thinks to himself, there is no way this guy came in here with no dog, and no glasses and can be able to see where he is going with TWO glass eyes. So he says, “You’re on”. The guy then takes out his teeth and put it on his eye and starting chewing as if he was chewing. Well the bartender was not too happy about losing $200 now. The customer drinks up his beer and leaves the bar. A few hours later the same customer comes back in and says “Hey, bartender, would you like a chance to win back your money some extra?” He says “Yes”, how? The guy says well you stand at one of the bar and I’ll stand down here, and all you have to do is slider the beer glass from your end to mine and I promise you that I won’t spill a drop and pee in the whole glass without spilling a drop! The bartender chuckles, and says, “You’re on! This will be my win! Well everything goes to plan. So he stands at the end of bar and slides the glass down, well the went pee every where all over the place, and the bartender starts laughing with joy, the bartender say “Well here’s your $500 but you see the guys over there, I bet them $1000 that I could pee all over your bar and you would laugh.